|Posted on 12 November, 2014 at 14:55|
Personal Boundaries and Your Path
In an attempt to please others we sometimes make the fatal mistake of not owning our own personal power and staying true to our self and our path. As women this is a common situation as we take the archetype of martyr and submit our own feelings in the misguided effort of trying to make other people comfortable often times before our own needs. The self sacrificing tendency is very harmful to our well being and while on the outside or even sometimes on the inside this appears to be the right thing to do, it is often very detrimental not only to our own selves and self esteem and value but also to the other party as we cosign a negative behavior in another person and take away their own power to do the right thing for themselves. It essence this is a self defeating behavior, one that results in both parties lacking respect for themselves.
When on a plane we hear the prompts for safety in case of a disaster. To most, this is a boring lecture that is always the same...but how many times have you considered the fact that the parent is instructed to place the mask on themselves first before they assist the child or any other individual. Likewise in my recent training on Psychological first aid the same concept of taking care of ones basic needs and health first are a prerequisite for the first responder. There is a reason for this, the same reason we are told that to find true love we must come as a complete individual rather than as a broken person looking for another to fill the void. There is a basic law of the universe inbedded in this entire strategy, and it is not a selfish motive but rather facilitates us to be at our greatest potential to be of service and aid to others. A mentally distressed individual cannot add a sense of calm and security to those around them, it takes a person who is grounded and centered to do so. You cannot give away what you do not have. So the goal is to have it.
Now, how does this tie into personal boundaries and your path? As a woman or man, employee or boss etc. we need to have a code by which we live. The spiritual path while different when taken from each culture or religious sect etc., regardless of subtle differences, have this concept in place. There are certain things that we should not allow in our lives, things that may be different from person to person but are important none the less. The challenge comes when we are seduced by peoples agendas and we in hopes of maintaining the status quo end up relegating our own personal status quo to some nether region of our selves ....into some dark closet within our hearts while we negotiate what we really know to be right. The classic example of which, and also motivation for this blog ..is when women are coerced or prodded to give up our sexuality even if it does not feel right. Granted it may feel right on one level but somewhere deep down inside we know that it is something special and very important, something best not cast before swine. Regardless of this many teenage girls and even women in the dating world today feel that this is something they must do, or something that after no becomes a tiresome word to the disrespectful suitor who interprets it as a yes we ourselves begin to feel bad about having to stand up for ourselves. The end result is never a good thing. For either party, though the pain is most felt on behalf of the woman who has given into this played out archetype of subservience and people pleasing.
Part of our path is owning our power. This does not have to be aggressive in a 80s type feminist warrior archetype way, but rather can come from a divine place of calmness and also of strength. We have a right to our bodies, to our boundaries and to our beliefs in what is permissible and what is not. This is a great test on the spiritual path. Knowing right from wrong by tapping into our true self, not regurgitating propaganda or rhetoric but by really getting in touch with ourselves and saying no this is not what serves me, and saying I am not going to participate in this. This is not just a lesson for women but also for men. Just think of Germany in WW11, how many people were on board with some majorly wicked and awful acts. The status quo, wanting to please others...this is deeply ingrained in our global culture, in humanity itself. Slavery was once legal but was it right. No. Some people did not feel it was but said nothing and went along with it, others who were much further behind on the spiritual path did not think twice and took it as right because it was supposedly right according to others and then there were those who just didn´t care if it was right or wrong but did it because it served their ego and need for power. So you see, this issue is very powerful and important as we grow along spiritual lines.
The hard part for many of us, and certainly for you if you are reading this is that we feel it is wrong and still find ourselves subjected to bullying from those who are in the phases of their development where they are still seeking to satiate the weaker lusts and temptations of the flesh. So for many of us our challenge is to learn how to be assertive about what is not OK and what we do want and not be aggressive about it but rather come from a place of divine power where our no means no. If not we walk away. There is an art to doing this, a confidence and trust in self that is very advanced. I struggle with this myself in many ways, especially now in the dating world where I have confronted a number of very compelling arguments to why I should give away my power.
This week try to work on your NFW list (as described in the previous blog...No F´n way list) and really redefine what it is you want out of life. How you want to be treated by others and how you intend to treat those who just do not take no for an answer. There are some really good salesmen out there networking hard for their personal agendas but by staying true to yourself and tapping into your inner self and voice and choosing to trust that answer above the sales pitch no matter how compelling, you may have a chance. It takes work and practice, do not berate yourself is you fail a few times but this is a really powerful part of your spiritual ascension. In essence learning to heed the inner voice and honor yourself in a healthy way is one of our greatest challenges in the I want now world we live in. Good things take time and work, and this lesson is no stranger to this rule.
Good luck friends. I will be with you in the spirit valiantly trying to stay fixed and true to the path and not be lead astray by naysayers or critics. And remember we can own our power from a place of love and love does not mean being a proverbial doormat. Namaste.